Justin Theroux’s birthday gift for Jennifer Aniston is more depressing than ‘The Leftovers’

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So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your birthday's a joke! Your piata isn't broken, because there's no way you're touching can-day!

Jennifer Aniston's recent jaunt to Cabo with husband Justin Theroux and bestie Courtney Cox took a turn too dark to even be considered as a plot twist on The Leftovers. The crew celebrated with an empty piata rather than dare cross paths with processed sugar!

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We do special things. I did a little night for her birthday where we went to a special dinner and had a piata, Theroux told E! News.

"Actually, we didn't put anything in the piata. We had a piata and didn't end up smashing." he continued. "What are you going to put in it? Kale? She doesn't eat candy!"

Now, there are plenty of things between between candy and kale that Aniston may enjoy, like perhaps sample sized containers of organic shea butter. And yet, the piata remained empty.

After admitting that a kale piata is a terrible thing, Theroux suggests trying it out for a kid's birthday, further exposing himself as a masochist, "Watch 20 10-year-olds cry."

Friends, whatever you do, never let Justin Theroux anywhere near a birthday party again.

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